This is a true story... The events depicted took place on Marble Island in 2016...
Twas late one evening and I decided to have a looketh around Marble Island... Pirates were recently run off thy lands and perhaps Booty hath been left behind!
Booty indeed! Honey Bunny's that is... I chaseth this wretched wench around thy island of Marble until she grew weary and fell from her steed, crushing her skull on the back of a wizards Keep. "Good" I thought, a fitting fate for a foul scoundrel such as this.
Whilst in pursuit of Honey Bunny I had noticed the rumblings of rowdy Pirates emanating from below the Small Marble Structure
... I quickly recalled home to change thy cloths for they were soaked in thy brain juice of thy recently deceased. After I am adorned in my Grand Wizard's Garb
, I begin my investigation...
Into thy thy soil of sosaria I go! Down thy marble stairs and into... Wait I feel a change of cloths necessary yet again.. This time I shall wear my trusty Thread's of The Grand Wizard
.... Yes much better! Back into the marble underground and into... A PIRATE!!!
I quickly dispatch this mindless scallywag with thy Nightmare of Truth
. As my steed feast upon thy face of this pirate, I notice some odd looking switches under the stairs.... the second one from thy left, when flipped, will change back to its original position after a short time. I proceed down thy hallway of thy marble underground and Lo! Switches a plenty! none of which seem to do anything at all! I then see Lord Nokin tending to the wounds of his pet Wyrm....
A fine fellow Lord Nokin is, we decide to accompany one an other onward through the hall. Thy stench of molded ale and pirate arse is growing stronger as we approach a magical gate. One of the ten Pirates of Hawkins
, Old Ybarra, stares at us menacingly through the gate as we plot our way through thy passage. "Thy timed switch" I thought, it must be thy key to open this gate.
Indeed! Thy switch worked! I made my way back down thy hall to meet Lord Nokin, by then Old Ybarra had ravaged his poor sweet pet Wyrm... It's corpse bloated from lethal poison.... Eye's melted and dripping from thy very sockets that once held them firm... It's innards displayed generously over the cavern floor... "What savagery".... But alas thy Wyrm of Nokin did not fall without a fight, for Old Ybarra was forced to drop his weapons and retreat.
Onward we go, with thy memory of sweet price Wyrm held fondly in our hearts. We made our way down a marble corridor, past some trick barrels whilst thy Nightmare of Truth
filled its glorious belly with more swashbuckler meat. We came across what seemed like four chests at first, but it was quickly discovered that if touched they change thy color! Changing them all to silver will unlock the door at the end of thy corridor and reveal a pirates bedroom.
After searching thy bedroom for what seemed like an eternity we decided to rest and collect our thoughts for the morrow. However, that night I could not sleep for I had thy mind on pirate booty, and pirate booty on thy mind. I ventured over to thy Large Marble Structure
to look for any clue that pertains to thy mysterious pirate bedroom. Hark!! I came across a Purple Pirate Pipe
that a bumbling buccaneer had surely forgotten.... Or did they?
After spending some quality time with thy Purple Pirate Pipe
I decided to feast on fish steaks until I couldn't possibly eat any more! And then a nap fit for a grand wizard was had...
I awoke shirtless with half of my Grand Wizard's Garb
on... I must have changed clothing in my stoned stupor... "No matter!" Perhaps I shall take another look at thy pirate bedroom I thought as I lazily sauntered into the depths of thy marble passage. Upon my arrival I noticed the faint lamentation of a hog in heat coming from beyond a cracked portion of the marble wall "How Strange!" I investigated the cracked wall and found a secret path. "Eureka!" The way forward hath been found! As well as a crazed boar and two drunk pirates trading blows...
Thy infamous Nerd hath revealed himself! I found thy Nerd in thy pirates bar room surrounded by eerily naked corpses and a sleeping boar. He was throwing daggers into the center of a target with stunning accuracy! "This man's rouge skills are leet" Three at once he threw then pointed to the door. Thy Nerd had found a secret button behind thy target that triggered thy door to thy smithery! Once inside thy smithery Nerd fiddled with a magic bellows and red hammer in such a way that another door unlocked! "Such cunning!"
Thy next room was cavernous and had a river of lava running though it, thy Nerd and I quickly looted some pirate booty before other adventurers inevitably found their way in. This room was perplexing... Across the wooden bridge was another magical bellows and red hammer as well as a mysterious door. This time the bellows and hammer seemed to do nothing at all. It was here that seemed to mark the end of the line for all wizards involved. We could not advance any further.... Perhaps another good nights rest would bring us an enlightened morrow!
After changing back into my Thread's of The Grand Wizard
I decided to have another hoot at thy Large Marble Structure
but when I got there I had found all of Sosarias Finest had been consumed... no doubt by myself the night prior. I found thy cunning Nerd inside playing a wonderful tune on a red pipe he called "a pirate call
" I asked what he was doing and he told me that this pirate call would unlock thy mysterious door beyond thy wooden bridge in thy lava cavern.
Before venturing onward, I informed thy Nerd of Nerd's that I must quickly change into my Grand Wizard's Garb
of which I had lost the shirt to in my unruly state. Into the mysterious door we went, wizard hand in wizard hand. We emerged from the cavern into the lost lands.
Three more Pirates of Hawkins and their vicious hell dogs were standing guard to a giant contraption that could only be described as "A FRICKEN LASER BEAM CANNON". The Hawkins Pirates put up a good fight but ultimately had to retreat... The Nerd and I looked around in amazement... There seemed to be a massacre here, and Captain Mcpry's remains were laying brittle in the sand. "What had happened here?" It seems Captain Heftimus Mcpry and whatever hired scallywags he had with him have met a grim end. "Mutiny perhaps?"
South of the FRICKEN LASER BEAM CANNON was a gorge filled to the brim with human skulls, whatever had transpired here was a genocide of horrendous proportions. The Nerd and I put two and two together and deciphered that the souls of these victims have been harvested to power this evil machine... But what for?
South East of the gorge we could hear the caterwauling of brigands, we used our magic to teleport closer to get a better look... More pirates of course, and it seems they have set up port for traveling around the lost lands.
It is our duty to inform the citizen's of Sosaria of this impending threat. What is this doomsday machine? Where are the pirates going to next? And who is really at the head of this murderous organization now that Mcpry is nothing but worm food.
Thy Nerd and I quickly gathered all of thy pirate bones we could carry and got thy hell out of there. It was quite the adventure through and through, and despite the impending doom of Sosaria via doomsday lazers.....
I got my self some pretty sweet bones... Perhaps I will build a cage with them.