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 Post subject: Peg-Legged Pete's Grog - by Calamity Jade
PostPosted: Mon Sep 23, 2019 2:59 pm 
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Peg-Legged Pete's Grog - by Calamity Jade

I couldst tell thee the tale of how Pete didst acquire his wooden leg, or the hook he hath affixed where his left hand shouldst be, or how, thereafter, he lost his eye.

I shalt tell thee, however, the tale of Peg-Legged Pete's Grog.

In the Magincia of my youth, I was an orphaned street-urchin, and I lived only by virtue of the fish I caught: cooked and eaten, myself, or sold in market; a harsh life, but I didst persevere, and I shared what I couldst not sell with other orphans, and the children who worked with the shepherds.

Peg-Legged Pete was friend to us all. He was an old salty dog, formerly a pirate, who lived semi-retired as a sea-faring merchant, bootlegger, and freight-hauler. He was never terribly well-off: most of his earnings were needed to keep his crew and old, battered ship in working-fettle; yet he was generous to us with what he couldst spare, and the tales he couldst tell were mesmerizing.

One day, freshly returned from a very, very long voyage, he didst tell the most-astonishing story of all!

Asea, his ship hadst been beset by storm, and blown off-course. This was a terrible gale, one of the worst Peg-Legged Pete hadst ever weathered: the deck became swamped at the lee-scuppers and the ship nearly foundered, beams in the hull didst groan and crack, the foremast split, and the sails were torn to tatters.

He didst claim that, through the knives of wind-swept rain, he saw the shadowy image of great, serpentine, pillars, and then his ship was sucked into a whirlpool! Peg-Legged Pete hadst been certain that his life wouldst end.

It seemed as if that 'twere not to be. Pete claimed that he didst awaken to find his ruined ship foundered 'pon a shoal, not far from the beach of some unknown, alien country: Peg-Legged Pete didst know every natural harbor and coastland in all of Britannia; we believed his claim that he hadst discovered a new country.

For another reason: so far as we couldst see, his ship looked to be in fine fettle: finer fettle, indeed, than it e'er hadst been; certainly, far-better than it was when it hadst departed ...

Pete went on to explain that people emerged, with the sunrise, driving fishing-boats: they rescued Pete and his crew.

These people were the friendliest folk imaginable: Pete even met with their King; that King wanted to know where Pete was from, and what life was like there, and promised help with the repair of his ship.

This trip hadst been a bootlegging-run, and the hold was filled with nothing but grog: Peg-Legged Pete's own, special-recipe, Grog. He explained to that King that, alas!, his hold held nothing of worth.

That King, and everyone else, once they hadst sampled Pete's Grog, disagreed ...

"By the Winds!", the King didst declare, "What magic is this? I canst hardly see ..."

Apparently, Peg-Legged Pete's Grog hadst found some new admirers. The King ordered that all effort be made to repair Pete's ship. After, the King went further ...

"Weight by weight," the King didst declare, "silvery and goldy shiny things, and gratitude, for all of your grog."

With ample ballast, Pete contrived to return home and he did. Merrily, he opened his hold to show us that he hadst been telling the truth. We were all amazed.

Everyone hath a rival, I doth suppose. Pete's was one merchant , named Azaltoth. Azaltoth was a prosperous merchant in gemstones and good wine, but he was e'er mean and greedy, and ill-tempered, and was universally hated. I knoweth not his grievance with Peg-Legged Pete. P'raps 'twas something from Pete's pirating days.

The tale of Pete's good fortune spread like wildfire across Magincia, and didst arouse Azaltoth's envy and ire. Proudly, he didst declare that he would take a shipment of his finest wine and find this far-off place: if those people so-loved Peg-Legged Pete's Grog, they wouldst pay a king's ransom for Azaltoth's wine!

So, Azaltoth soon went to sea, and he was away for so long that everyone began to think that he must have been lost. Well, 'twere considered no great, nor tragic, loss ...

Meanwhile, Pete invested his fortune in a grand mansion, which he transformed into an orphanage and hostel for the needy. Disadvantaged children, poor beggars, penniless widows, all found themselves a friendly home.

To the amazement of many, one day, nearly a year-and-a-half later, Azaltoth's ship returned to the harbor. His enterprise must have been a success, after all: his returned ship displayed ornament and finery beyond even that vain fellow's customary ostentation.

However, Azaltoth's mood remained no-less irascible, and he didst seem to be rather annoyed. He didst attempt to conceal that, and pompously declared that, in payment for his wonderfully-fine wine, the people in that far-away land didst fill his entire hold with the most-valuable commodity in their possession.

We children were intrigued and curious. Late that night, we snuck aboard to take a peek. Azaltoth had not been telling any falsehoods: his hold was filled with Peg-Legged Pete's Grog.

Only a short while later, after enjoying Pete's hospitality and tutelage, I took Pete's crew and refurbished ship to sea, myself, and made a fair reputation as privateer and trader.

At about this time, old, mean Azaltoth was arrested, fined, and imprisoned ... for, of all things, bootlegging grog.

SighelmofWyrmgard wrote:
uosa44 wrote:
For sale, by original owner:
1 Human Brain, never been used, only slightly damaged, still in original packaging.
$1, obo



uosa44 wrote:
The inability for this person to respond in such a crazy manner proves my point.

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