chumbucket's Tales of Adventure: The Stolen Hammer
Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 10:33 pm
As a few of you know, I am the much beloved chumbucket. Indeed, I am both of the chumbuckets. And I have a tale for you. I was doing my normal routine, stealing at the bank, when I came across a decent prize: A Warhammer of Power. But, alas, it was in the backpack of one Hemperor of T2A. I would have to steal it.
The first attempt at the steal fails. In come the guards. But recall that there are two chumbuckets! Attempt number two goes off without a hitch. Into the bank goes the hammer. I accost Hemperor for having looted the quarterstaff of the first chumbucket. Thief! Give it back! This goes on for some time when, suddenly and out of nowhere, Hemperor attacks! We trade mace blows back and forth for a while; I have the upperhand most of the fight until I clumsily knock my poorly placed modem off the computer desk. CONNECTION LOST.
I log back in, expecting the worst. But what I find is something unexpected. Hemperor has called in the reserves, T2A has mobilized and I am surrounded. Now, mind you, they're not attacking me--only Hemperor is doing that. But they do have me pinned in and I am almost out of stamina. The one time I don't pack some red potions! I am still winning the fight, but Hemperor's allies not only block me in but heal him as well. Eventually, I am doomed to run out of bandages and die. And they know it: The taunts come fast. We're putting this on YouTube! That will teach you! We have to do this to run the thieves out of town! Things look grim for your hero.
But being a thief has its advantages in combat, especially when your opponent must stand still. I start stealing his bandages. He can't get me because I keep healing, so he resorts to trying to poison me occasionally to block my heals. Now, this is a smart move on his part, but in this particular situation it has two drawbacks. One, I land all my blows when he is trying to get through my resist. Two, and this is the more dire drawback, I steal his weapons when he unequips for casting.
So now I have his mace. Someone brings him a war axe. I take it at the next poison. Along the way, some friendly souls healed me and gave me a few bits of food to keep my swing speed up. God bless you generous souls. But I digress. More and more of Hemperor's allies arrive. He pleads for macing weapons. At one point he is using a shepherd's crook! Someone hands off a quarterstaff that I steal before Hemperor can even get it equipped. And--what's this?--an eminently accurate quarter staff of vanquishing?
I equip it and things happen fast. The exceptional warhammer (crafted by the fine folks at the T2A shop, or so the inscription reads) I had been using did good damage and I almost killed him a few times. But the staff...my friends, the staff dishes out a huge amount of damage in a very short period of time--so much, so fast that the T2A healers have no time to react. Down goes Hemperor. OoOOooOo.
I laugh so hard I fail to loot anything. But I have my hammer and my staff. And, frankly, I feel there is a sort of moral to be learned from all of this, but I can't quite figure it out. I'll give a warhammer of power to whoever does.
The first attempt at the steal fails. In come the guards. But recall that there are two chumbuckets! Attempt number two goes off without a hitch. Into the bank goes the hammer. I accost Hemperor for having looted the quarterstaff of the first chumbucket. Thief! Give it back! This goes on for some time when, suddenly and out of nowhere, Hemperor attacks! We trade mace blows back and forth for a while; I have the upperhand most of the fight until I clumsily knock my poorly placed modem off the computer desk. CONNECTION LOST.
I log back in, expecting the worst. But what I find is something unexpected. Hemperor has called in the reserves, T2A has mobilized and I am surrounded. Now, mind you, they're not attacking me--only Hemperor is doing that. But they do have me pinned in and I am almost out of stamina. The one time I don't pack some red potions! I am still winning the fight, but Hemperor's allies not only block me in but heal him as well. Eventually, I am doomed to run out of bandages and die. And they know it: The taunts come fast. We're putting this on YouTube! That will teach you! We have to do this to run the thieves out of town! Things look grim for your hero.
But being a thief has its advantages in combat, especially when your opponent must stand still. I start stealing his bandages. He can't get me because I keep healing, so he resorts to trying to poison me occasionally to block my heals. Now, this is a smart move on his part, but in this particular situation it has two drawbacks. One, I land all my blows when he is trying to get through my resist. Two, and this is the more dire drawback, I steal his weapons when he unequips for casting.
So now I have his mace. Someone brings him a war axe. I take it at the next poison. Along the way, some friendly souls healed me and gave me a few bits of food to keep my swing speed up. God bless you generous souls. But I digress. More and more of Hemperor's allies arrive. He pleads for macing weapons. At one point he is using a shepherd's crook! Someone hands off a quarterstaff that I steal before Hemperor can even get it equipped. And--what's this?--an eminently accurate quarter staff of vanquishing?
I equip it and things happen fast. The exceptional warhammer (crafted by the fine folks at the T2A shop, or so the inscription reads) I had been using did good damage and I almost killed him a few times. But the staff...my friends, the staff dishes out a huge amount of damage in a very short period of time--so much, so fast that the T2A healers have no time to react. Down goes Hemperor. OoOOooOo.
I laugh so hard I fail to loot anything. But I have my hammer and my staff. And, frankly, I feel there is a sort of moral to be learned from all of this, but I can't quite figure it out. I'll give a warhammer of power to whoever does.
