On a glorious day under perfect sailing conditions, my associate Johnny Hobo and I decided to take to the seas in search of lost treasure, following the directions given to us via waterstained messages stuffed into bottles by damned souls on sinking ships, or in one case a fellow stuck inside a whale (apparently).
Just outside the fine port town of Skara Brae, we came across a fellow who appeared to be so lost in his fishing that he had entered into a trance state of sorts, casting his line repeatedly whilst mumbling 'guards' every few seconds. This seemed strange to me and I'm sure you may understand why, were you to take a look at our position at that particular time -
Aw, the guardzone is only 8 miles away! I'll be fine/
Indeed, this fellow had apparently overestimated the abilities of the town guards.
Nope.
Well, Mr. Hobo and myself are not ashamed to admit we can be somewhat less than community spirited in many ways, so we made the sensible decision to seperate a fool and his loot.
Step 1 of the grand plan: shoot 'em in the face. I like to think of it as the subtle approach.
Almost immediately upon seeing his lifeless corpse hit the deck, Mr. Hobo leapt aboard his ship - the plank was unlocked! Our pirate archer friend beat a hasty retreat (being so close to law enforcement makes him nervous) and we sailed to the docks in Skara Brae. Upon arrival, Mr. Romano's ghost fled to the nearby healer, as we had hoped, only for a passerby to jump onboard with us, perhaps not believing my claims that the ship was my own. He began to loot the remains of our recent victim, fortunately however I was too quick for him and I was able to find the boat key on said corpse before he did. Score! Our visitor left us and we quickly sailed back out to sea.
Feeling victory close at hand, all that remained was for us to remove the litter from the deck and wait for Vic's remains to decay and the ship was ours! Then all of a sudden, a fellow named 'Udriel' appeared on the deck in front of me, wearing a death robe and riding an ostard! A fierce battle for control of the ship began, with him yelling 'lower anchor' repeatedly in the hope of stifling my getaway. We shuffled back and forth, constantly gaining and losing distance from the guardzone. Eventually, he seemed to admit defeat, stopping to discuss his fate with Mr. Hobo, aboard our own vessel and sailing close to starboard. This pause was exactly what I'd been waiting for and I hurriedly commanded the tillerman to move, full speed ahead! We rushed out of the guardzone, and that, dear readers, is when my trusted associate made his move - and what a move!
A corpse of 'your fishing trip'.
Upon inspecting Udriel's corpse, I quickly realised that he had recalled onboard using the spare key from his bankbox...which he had brought with him! Such a generous move is not to be sniffed at, so I of course liberated the key and sailed to shore, locking both the planks and quickly depositing both keys in a safe box, located at the Naval Club of which I am a veteran member.
All that was left to do was wait for Udriel's ghost to 'gtfo' as they say, and the boat was mine. Half an hour later, my good friend Lemmy returned to discover that this was indeed the case, although the boat had for some reason been sailed to the server line and left there. Lemmy commandeered the vessel, sailed it to the nearby coast of Jhelom, and drydocked it.
Yoink!
this message was brought to you by the pirate bastards of Britannia
