chumbucket's Tales of Adventure: A True Player

[chumbucket]

A Note to the Reader

This episode contains a nearly unbearable amount of language in poor taste. I am not a vulgar man. I do what I do only in the interest of roleplaying. I could no more speak without vulgarity than a Bloodrock orc could speak without some crap I don't understand. Reader beware!

A True Player: An Act in Three Parts

In need of fresh entertainment, I decided to roleplay as Gimp Melee, Clyde, etc. This is the story of a few hours in the life of Tru Playa.

Part One - In Which I Own

I started out at the West Britain Bank, where I am asked by a new player to spar. I soundly rejected that offer.











He moved on, only to attempt to help someone else. The other newbie boasted of his own frugality: He needs only a dagger to tame the world and seek out phat loot. Undeterred by the rudeness of the original newbie, I chimed in.





jimi.hendrix had been watching all along from the sidelines. He is a just and caring man, who seeks to right the wrongs of the world. He cannot help but step in.





The duel is set. We were tol fight man to man on the outskirts of Britain. If I am going to talk the talk, I will have to walk the walk. He asked me to flag. I responded in the only way I know how.







He wasn't very happy. He came for a fight, and all he got was to talk to a typical UO player. jimi, however, will not give up. Justice is the calling of the few, of those willing to sacrifice in the name of all that is good. He decided to take the count. Out came the Vas Ort Flam. And through the moongates I went. I hid out in Skara Brae until the heat is off, and returned to find him still looking for me near the moongates of Britain.









We returned to town, where I loudly proclaimed my OWN.













(Obligatory Hemperor reference follows.)



He eventually offered me a leather outfit. I think this implied that I am a homosexual. But I am, and still have no need of women's clothing. It turns out, though, that I not only completely 1V1 OMG PWNED him, but I also 1V2 OMG PWNED him and his friend. I also took his reagents.












Part Two - In Which I Own A Newbie

I set out for the graveyard in search of newbies, and with only one purpose in mind.





I chased him all the way to town, yelling "I FUKIN KILL U GAY WAD" the entire time. I didn't kill him. I couldn't if I had wanted to. Nevertheless, I proved my point.

Part Three - In Which I Valiantly Struggle Again Some Hackers

I returned the graveyard shortly after my chase. There I found a number of non-newbies: Andy, Afra, Chad, MiG and some red orc to name a few. Two fellows were in the midst of a duel. I waited for one to drop down to near death when I made my move. But rather than anyone dying, everyone stopped and immediately set about killing me. I barely escaped.















MiG chased me the longest. We ended up going behind British's castle and back around to the bank. I certainly showed him.

















I ended up a dead quite a few times from those fellows. And the cause was obvious: HAX! But I never lost faith. Even as a ghost, I gave it my all in a manner consistent with the finest traditions of our UO forefathers. God bless them all.
























Epilogue

I ended up getting banned from IRC. I got caught up in the roleplay and forgot that it wasn't allowed there. I have learned my lesson and promise to only harass those in game and not merely in IRC.

Session Start: Sat Feb 07 18:39:33 2009
Session Ident: #secondage
03[18:39] * Now talking in #secondage
03[18:39] * Topic is 'Ultima Online: The Second Age! http://uosecondage.com'
03[18:39] * Set by [email protected] on Mon Jan 12 13:24:15
05[18:39] -ChanServ- (#secondage) Welcome. This channel is for civil discussion of the shard. Uncivil discussion should be directed to #secondagepvp
01[18:39] <TRUplaya> HAHA THIS SHARD FULL OF NEWBS
01[18:39] <TRUplaya> OWNED
...
01[18:40] <TRUplaya> HAHA U GOT SERVED
01[18:40] <TRUplaya> HE RUN FROM 1V1
01[18:40] <TRUplaya> LOL
01[18:41] <TRUplaya> GAY
[18:41] <Loops> wrong channel for random nonsense truplaya
03[18:41] * Messy ([email protected]) has joined #secondage
[18:41] <Loops> caps lock doesn't make you cool either
03[18:42] * ChanServ sets mode: +l 111
01[18:42] <TRUplaya> lulz
[18:43] <Unknown-TG> every katana hit should be a disrupt right?
01[18:43] <TRUplaya> I BEEN ON THIS SHrD two days and own all u newbs already at brit gy
01[18:43] <TRUplaya> lol
[18:44] <felix> SERVED???
02[18:44] * ZarganKral_AFK ([email protected]) Quit 01[18:50] <TRUplaya> LOL MIG = NEWB
...
[18:50] <felix> TRUplaya: who ru
...
01[18:51] <TRUplaya> GAYLIX: ur mom
...
[18:56] <felix> tru lamer
...
01[19:00] <TRUplaya> WTF GAYS KILL MY HORS
01[19:01] <TRUplaya> NEWBS 4V1 ME AT BRIT GY
01[19:01] <TRUplaya> KILL HORSE
01[19:01] <TRUplaya> WTF
...
01[19:01] <TRUplaya> FUK THIS
Session Close: Sat Feb 07 19:01:52 2009

[Senses]

i loled.

[Teknix]

And through the moongates I went.

[Moishe]

This is not humorous at all, and in bad taste.

All-in-all, not what we've come to expect from you.

[Blackraven]

argh.. anyone who uses Cap letters like that or uses cussing unintelligibly is a waste of server bandwidth.

[Tarvok]

i loled.

*I* rofled... quit literally. I collapsed from waves of abdomen-destroying laughter for probably a minute or two.

There's nothing quite like the juxtaposition of proper spelling and grammar on the one hand with something like "OMG U SUK FAGGIT!" on the other.

[Psilo]

I found this uncreative and annoying, the vulgar language belongs in games like WOW.

You have better episodes than this.

[chumbucket]

This still makes me laugh.

[princesspeach]

LOL! Nice!

[Tschaikovsky]

I have to agree with Tarvok. I haven't laughed that hard in ages. Tears buddy, tears. Really brought me back to the old days on Atl. Cheers.

[Xantim]

I never exspect less from chum, laught my ass of at work

[archaicsubrosa77]

This is not humorous at all, and in bad taste.

All-in-all, not what we've come to expect from you.

I don't understand...yes it is

If you didn't get it he was roleplaying a little brat kid you probably came across as a little brat kid back in the day Derp

[chumbucket]

This is not humorous at all, and in bad taste.

All-in-all, not what we've come to expect from you.

I don't understand...yes it is

If you didn't get it he was roleplaying a little brat kid you probably came across as a little brat kid back in the day Derp

Three years later, archaic comes to my defense! Thanks!