UO Second Age

Franz Pfniffel does the Lost Lands! (Prepare yourself!)
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Author:  Jakob [ Fri May 17, 2013 3:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Franz Pfniffel does the Lost Lands! (Prepare yourself!)

Welcome friends! Sit down, have a pint of good ale and listen to the story of one of my great adventures!

Once upon a time I had decided to venture into the Lost Lands,
the vast and dangerous lands of the world below!

These lands are filled with terrible creatures and a mighty wild nature.
During my travels I passed many a lonesome road...

I crossed great deserts...

And I met people with exotic foreign names.

Traveling these lands are not always safe, but if you're street smart you come a long way.
After some conversation I convinced Olaugh the orc to let me pass in exchange of a small
crate of "trybute". In the distance a loud boom was heard and I knew it was the last time
this orc would trouble me.

I travelled north and rode alongside a moisty swamp.

Later on I found myself in a barren and rocky desert area, but suddenly in this emptiness
I found a large house. What a great chock that stroke me there! I had stumbled upon a
dead body. The locals' descriptions made me think this was an ophidian warrior.
From inside a stream of horrific screams erupted. I felt compelled to sneak inside and
see what evil was going on in there.

The most disastrously sight met my eye! The evil Lord Manu Chao was there manipulating
the poor ophidians into killing one another. In their own home! How utterly rude! I had
better do something. I secretly planted a backpack containing a trapped box in one of the
corpses. However, the evil intruder recalled off before peeking into the box.
I must do something! I thought.

Driven to ensure the restoration of justice I persued him. Luckily my bet on him
retreating to the great city of Delucia was right. From inside the local bank building
I eyed him from top to toe.

Suddenly the trap went off and a loud boom echoed between the great
mountainsides of the city. Great!

* darn typo!

Satisfied that good once again had prevailed I continued my journeys.
Back in the inhospitable desert I stumbled upon yet another corpse, this time
from a human! Good heavens! What innocent person met this cruel fate?
"What's that? Screams from the south west? I better investigate!" I quickly
took anything valuable for safe keeping and went off.

Oh my! I can't believe this! Yet another civilized human, Now Yew Dunnit,
manipulating these poor creatures into combat! Even though they fought
each other I clearly heard one of the ophidian's frightened screams:
"No, kill me not!". Obviously he was in this fight against his free will.

I was simply forced into action! Luckily I had brought a pack of explosives.
This would surely do!

The evil Now Yew Dunnit fell for the trick! He picked up the magical bow
I had put in there, and as he lifted up the two cider jugs out of the pack
he found the crate.

His disaster was inevitable! Even though I'm used to this I had to look away.

Even though I lack knowledge of the ophidian tongue, I understood that the
ophidian witnessing nearby, was praising my noble actions with thanks.

Now Yew Dunnit's corpse was packed with loots which I quickly confiscated.

After the fall of the villain Now Yew Dunnit my journey continued. Among other
things I found this old house. The poor family was still wandering around their
beloved home.

After a long ride me and my faithfull steed Colorpuff Butterfly found ourselves
by a fair beach. But further up the road we met this scene. Brothers fighting
among themselves? I could instantly smell a rotten rat!

Very much so! Another evil human tearing the friendly relations among brothers apart.
When the time was given I put a trapped crate in a corpse.

Later I stealthily followed Achu back to Delucia. BOOM! The one thing not allowed
to happen did happen! Achu survived the terrible explosion with but one health
point left. I felt most dissatisfied with not fulfilling the operation. But seeing his
torn up body with a loosely hanging jaw, lost teeth, burnt off hair and half fingers,
etc, I felt as though I at least had sent the correct message.

After my half failure as I choose to consider it, I ventured back to the ophidian house
from earlier. Amazingly the ophidians had learnt to correctly defend themselves since
my last visit. For the villain Now Yew Dunnit lay there all torn to pieces.

I say, you've "dunnit" again! My former mood quickly changed after realizing that my
heroic deed for the oppressed ophidians had risen their self confidence drastically.
I saw now they had renewed courage to defend themselves from foul intruders.

At this time I got a sensation of home longing, and soon I would need to fare back home.
But before that, I felt urged to once again visit the exposed and vulnerable cyclops in
the valley from earlier.

Arriving at the Cyclops Valley I met a violent scenery! One of the cyclops was busy "klomping"
the shit out of an overgrown chicken. At first I thought: "Nothing strange here." Of course he
would need food for his wife and kids. But suddenly I saw a trace of a human! "There's something
fishy here! A person, perhaps called Lisa, or why not Seraphine (but how could I know?), is nearby!"

As I thought! The tracks led to an even greater meat slaughter, somewhat to the south west.
By now my routine for dealing with these kind of matters was sharpened like a diamond.

"A little bag into a little corpse..." I silently hummed.

Eventually the evil Seraphine approached the target corpse and delayed by it longer
than usual. Was she perhaps perplexed over this unusual loot? Well, nothing beats
curiosity! My strongest weapon in this world of OMG LEET PVP.

And a nice finish with some moral lecturing:

At this stage in my great journey, the time was right to leave these lands.

Home in the glorious city of Britain the crowds saluted me with cheers and hurray chants:


Welcome back friend!

Author:  Boondock_Saint [ Fri May 17, 2013 11:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Franz Pfniffel does the Lost Lands! (Prepare yourself!)

Good story, I like your get up.

Author:  Ulfrigg [ Sat May 18, 2013 4:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Franz Pfniffel does the Lost Lands! (Prepare yourself!)

Great story, keep them coming :D

Author:  Jupiter [ Sat May 18, 2013 12:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Franz Pfniffel does the Lost Lands! (Prepare yourself!)

what style!

I say you should have dressed Downs in the "Dress Downs" contest!

In fact, I think Downs should take back the winnings from all the previous contestants and accept your outfit as ultimate grand prize.

Great story!

Author:  Jakob [ Sat May 18, 2013 1:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Franz Pfniffel does the Lost Lands! (Prepare yourself!)

Thank you master Jupiter!

I actually won the third prize in Down's contest! But I could never put my own outfit in, that one is for me. Instead I designed a new colorful suit! This one:


Scroll down and read my explanation to choice of colors and style!

Author:  evilme [ Mon May 20, 2013 5:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Franz Pfniffel does the Lost Lands! (Prepare yourself!)

very entertaining! ^^ good stuff

Author:  matchstick [ Fri Aug 09, 2013 5:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Franz Pfniffel does the Lost Lands! (Prepare yourself!)

Funny shit man. I'll be sure never to open a box i find as loot.

Author:  chumbucket [ Mon Aug 12, 2013 8:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Franz Pfniffel does the Lost Lands! (Prepare yourself!)

Nice work though I am quite sure I was the real winner of Dress Downs, but he wouldn't give me a prize.

Author:  Capitalist [ Fri Nov 13, 2015 5:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Franz Pfniffel does the Lost Lands! (Prepare yourself!)

poradte.cz is not your friend

Author:  Jakob [ Sat Nov 14, 2015 9:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Franz Pfniffel does the Lost Lands! (Prepare yourself!)

poradte.cz sure isn't! Finally someone noticed the shortcomings of this picture upload site of the Czech Republic. I have, to your satisfaction I hope, restored the picture of this, the premier story of the Franz!

Author:  Patek [ Thu Nov 19, 2015 7:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Franz Pfniffel does the Lost Lands! (Prepare yourself!)

Only just got around to reading this - very funny read, can't wait for the next instalment!

Author:  Mens Rea [ Thu Nov 19, 2015 10:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Franz Pfniffel does the Lost Lands! (Prepare yourself!)

Bring back Franz

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