It began with the creation of our army. Our soldiers, each with an impressive ten strength, began to assemble in Britain. Patriots all, they would strike at the very heart of the Canadian menace.
We immediately drew suspicion from passersby, possibly Canadian spies.
We were not yet ready for the final phase of the operation, nor was our target online. We decided it was best to retire until every component was in place.
I bought and placed a base of operations in the desired location--deep in the heart of Canada, directly behind the target's tower. The gates went up, our army arrived. We all settled on a single tile, hid and logged out. We would have to wait for our target to come online to make our move.
Any operation as serious as this requires familiarity with your target. We are ever observing those around us. We knew his habits. We decided that we would reconvene at 2:30 pm EST the next day. We would log our army in. We would stand silently and wait. We would defeat this Canadian menace. The bait, a lone red Matron de Winter, stood on top of our invisible pile of patriots. We were in position for a meteor swarm to hit from outside. We each carried a purple potion, a sort of UO cyanide capsule: insurance for if the swarm itself proved insufficient to take our lives.
Myself, I was unable to attend in person. In #cA, I let my associates know that even though I would not be present personally, my three soldiers were in place and ready to go.
[12:42] <chumbucket> my guys are set, but i have to go out for a while
[12:42] <Lor> okay will do
[12:42] <chumbucket> won't be back for 2:30 i expect
[12:42] <chumbucket> but my guys are ready
Our army, as I left it, was around fifteen strong. With the addition of two blue characters from Matron and three from an anonymous benefactor, our army grew to an impressive twenty. Twenty kills. Twenty counts. Six hundred hours of red. One hundred and sixty hours of the risk of stat loss. There was no turning back.
We waited.
Our patience and knowledge of our target's habits paid off. Not long after the agreed upon meeting time, he showed and came out to inspect the lone red Matron de Winter so innocently standing in the house behind his tower.
He was suspicious, and right to be so. He did not take the bait. It would take a great deal of skill and luck to lure him in. If we openly taunted him, he would know something was up. But if we did nothing, he may have just gone about his business. Fortunately, one of my associates applied an incredible amount of finesse.
<Pristiq> I reminded hemp that he can MS MAtron.
(2:34:38 PM) Foxhound: Well, you macro unattended anywhere xcept your house, you take the risk.
(2:35:32 PM) cara_home: even in your house..
(2:35:59 PM) Pristiq: MS FTW
<Kau> lol
<Pristiq> Subtly.
<Pristiq> SECRET
<Pristiq> AGENT MAN!
<Kau> Espionage excites me in strange ways.
It appears to have worked. Moments later, Hemperor (on his Grizzly Adams tamer) came out to take care of Matron. Excitement filled #cA.
<Pristiq> Here he comes...I think.
<Kau> Uh oh, I think he may be enticed.
<matron|afk> hes comin down
<Kau> Here we go
He began to cast meteor swarm.
<Kau> fizzle
<Kau> Success!
The purple potions dropped to our feet. Twenty invisible soldiers made the ultimate sacrifice.
<Pristiq> YAY
<Pristiq> Got my Grizzly Adams gumps ready.
<Downs> ROFLLLLL
<Kau> He's like WTF?!!?!
<Pristiq> Don't give counts yet.
<Kau> Waiting
We were holding off on the gumps to arrange the terms of his surrender. Matron was our negotiator.
(2:39:05 PM) matron|afk: you just took 30 murder counts
(2:39:08 PM) matron|afk: we have the gumps open
(2:39:10 PM) Pristiq: Lol.
(2:39:14 PM) matron|afk: how much do you want to pay to stay blue
(2:39:34 PM) kain: you should wait til he goes in guard zones
(2:39:35 PM) hemperor: theres no gurantee of staying blue
(2:39:36 PM) hemperor: we both know that
(2:39:37 PM) kain: then drop them all on him
(2:39:40 PM) kain: and let guards give stat
(2:39:45 PM) kain: mwuaha
(2:39:47 PM) kain: <3 hemp
(2:40:08 PM) matron|afk: you might stay blue hemp
(2:40:12 PM) matron|afk: if you play your cards right
(2:40:15 PM) hemperor: nah
(2:40:16 PM) hemperor: gumps stay up
(2:40:19 PM) hemperor: even after world saves
(2:40:26 PM) matron|afk: but we will close them
(2:40:28 PM) Seebo|AFK left the room (quit: Ping timeout).
(2:40:30 PM) hemperor: how do i know that?
(2:40:31 PM) matron|afk: even make a forum thread for the trade
(2:40:34 PM) matron|afk: so its secure
He was right. We had no intention of letting him off the hook, but we thought it worth a try to get more out of the deal. Regardless, he was not cooperating.
(2:40:36 PM) hemperor: report me, i dont give a shit, im on another shard, this is well known
(2:40:57 PM) matron|afk: Thats no way to talk hemperor
(2:41:15 PM) felix: he took 30 counts on fake thieves?
(2:41:18 PM) felix: ^5
(2:41:24 PM) Kau: Not yet.
(2:41:25 PM) Pristiq: No, felix.
(2:41:30 PM) Pristiq: It was more clever than that.
(2:41:32 PM) matron|afk: You ca still bargain for your blueness hemperor
(2:41:36 PM) felix: do tell
(2:41:41 PM) felix: or is there gona be a long story about it
(2:41:42 PM) Pristiq: Can I tell, Matron?
(2:41:45 PM) felix: rper douches
(2:41:46 PM) Downs: not yet
(2:41:49 PM) matron|afk: na
(2:41:54 PM) Pristiq: I'm sure there'll be a thread on the subject.
(2:42:08 PM) hemperor: Better make your forum post, here is my reply:
(2:42:09 PM) hemperor: Go fuck yourself.
(2:42:12 PM) hemperor: omg im red!!1
(2:42:22 PM) felix: 30 over thats alot o red
(2:42:23 PM) felix: lolo
(2:43:07 PM) Kau: On a tamer, no less.
(2:43:14 PM) felix: lolo
(2:43:21 PM) hemperor: report me, im waiting
(2:43:29 PM) felix: wait in a bank
(2:43:32 PM) cara_home: How did you get yourself in this one hemperor?
(2:43:35 PM) hemperor: I'm playing on a real accurate shard, that follows policies and other era mechanics
(2:43:43 PM) felix: ban
(2:43:45 PM) hemperor: Report me with your inaccurate gameplay, I'm actually waiting.
(2:43:51 PM) felix: stop promoting another shard hemperor
(2:44:02 PM) matron|afk: You thinkk we bluff hemperor?
(2:44:04 PM) smilodon: hi all
(2:44:06 PM) Pristiq: Butthurt.
(2:44:07 PM) matron|afk: tamer statloss is a pain
(2:44:14 PM) matron|afk: have 1 more count so you know we arent joking
(2:44:18 PM) hemperor: No one's bluffing
(2:44:18 PM) felix: i ddint know hemperor joined ace
(2:44:18 PM) matron|afk: (clicks ok)
(2:44:20 PM) hemperor: bring on the red
(2:44:42 PM) matron|afk: thats 1 more count
(2:44:43 PM) hemperor: Anyone who talks to me, knows I've been planning a shard move for a few weeks now, been there for a coupel days now
(2:44:46 PM) matron|afk: you might not be red yet
(2:44:49 PM) hemperor: Matron, you will not get 1 gp from me
(2:44:52 PM) matron|afk: theres still time to salvage
(2:44:53 PM) hemperor: not even 1gp
(2:44:56 PM) hemperor: report me and stop wasting bandwidth
(2:44:57 PM) matron|afk: we dont want your gp
(2:45:02 PM) felix: GIVE ME GOLD HEME PLZ
(2:45:06 PM) hemperor: i will not send nudes either
(2:45:09 PM) Kau: LOL
(2:45:13 PM) matron|afk: we already have those
(2:45:20 PM) Pristiq: They give me nightmares.
(2:45:21 PM) matron|afk: they have been widely available on the internet for months now
(2:45:27 PM) Pristiq: Matron has to hold me at night.
(2:45:29 PM) smilodon: guys i just found your shard and its look great
(2:45:31 PM) matron|afk: your still blue I see hemp
(2:45:41 PM) felix: do it soon
(2:45:42 PM) smilodon: hoiw can I download client?
(2:45:42 PM) matron|afk: How about another count?
(2:45:46 PM) felix: i gota goto work andiwana lol
(2:46:02 PM) Pristiq: Smilodon, goto the main page.
(2:46:09 PM) Pristiq: And under downloads, get the T2A package.
(2:46:12 PM) hemperor: Matron, how balless are you?
(2:46:15 PM) hemperor: Are you seeing this SecondAge?
(2:46:16 PM) matron|afk: very
(2:46:19 PM) hemperor: Empty threat terrorism
(2:46:22 PM) hemperor: pm me when I'm red
We gave him the counts. All of them except my three, which I promptly gave minutes later when I arrived to find the gumps and the general excitement in #cA.
<matron|afk> hes not gonna play
<matron|afk>
<matron|afk> drop them all
<matron|afk> screw it
<Pristiq> Yes, sir!
<Kau> Dropped
<Pristiq> Let's go stand outside his tower.
<matron|afk> k
<matron|afk> line up outside his tower
<Pristiq> Make a wall.
<Pristiq> Around the stairs.
<Pristiq> Gratz, cA.
<Kau> =)
<Pristiq> Operation Red Hemperor was a success
And so it was that Hemperor took twenty murder counts in less than five minutes. The Canadian menace was defeated. No longer would God fearing freedom lovers need look over their shoulder into the barren lands of north in fear of maple leaves and fortified wines. Freedom was once again on the march.
Special credit is due to Matron de Winter for the conception of this plan and the nifty final picture.
