Our story takes place on December 14th, 2010, the third anniversary of UOSA. In celebration of this anniversary, who should appear at West Britain Bank? None other than respectable staff member Maahes on horseback spreading joy and merriment far and wide with his amazing fireworks displays. This is all nice and well.
What is not as nice and well is when he decides that I should, against my will, shoot fireworks out of nowhere. I run in terror but the fireworks emanate from my body. Eventually these unwanted visitors subside. I am violated but unharmed. I later find out that in fact the trick was that Maahes was invisibly shadowing me while summoning these unholy terrors. A point that will become more important as our story progresses.
Enter one Provocon, a bard from his name and the insides of his bag. And what else should be in his bag? A rune and key! I decide that the ol' doublesteal is in order. Soon enough I find myself inside a small house with an afk young red going by the name of Thinner.
It turned out, after later checking out myUOSA, that Thinner and Provocon are in the same guild. Indeed, they are the only two people in the guild. This leads me to believe that Thinner and Provocon are one and the same. No doubt Provocon is out gathering gold and loot while Thinner, who is casting a combination of flamestrike and greater heal on himself while afk, is rebuilding his magery. (Perhaps even he is ridding himself of counts.)
You know who knows a lot about magery? Energy vortexes. I mean, those guys are summoned by magery! They probably could teach Thinner a lot. I decide that he best thing then is to summon one up. Alas, they didn't seem to get along as well as I had hoped.
After telling my energy vortex friend that maybe he had better just leave, I noticed that Thinner had, among other things, a ship key on him. Unfortunately, I could not reach it as he was just close enough that I could inspect his remains but not loot them. I did, however, recall off of the ship key. There I found a large dragon ship barren on the verge of decay.
At this point, I expect that my adventure is over. I decide I will go to the house and hope for the best when Provocon finally notices his dead, stat(?), afk macroing mage. He does not disappoint. He returns, removes a table, and replaces it slowly enough that I manage to stealth on in. I waste no time in grabbing anything of value while he resurrects his dead alt.
Here is where things gets odd. I find that I cannot carry everything I would like to carry. There is a pile of gold that puts me over the weight limit, and I am fully expecting to be found out. There is also that ship key, which is once again in the bag of the now resurrected Thinner.
Choices, choices. As I see it, one of two things is likely to happen. He reveals me or he chalks his death up to a macroing error and resumes. If the former, my plan is to steal the key in the confusion and recall to it. If the latter, I plan to see if I can patch things up between him and the energy vortex. Then of course I can just steal it all!
But neither of those things is what happens. Rather, Thinner mysterious begins to emanate fireworks as I had before at West Britain bank. He isn't holding fireworks wands. He, not doubt confused as I am, finally decides that perhaps he should cast reveal. (I should take this moment to note he didn't seem to notice that not only was his key and rune missing, but also that his front door was unlocked. Also, I only got one very bad screenshot of the mysterious fireworks.) Of course, I am revealed.
You can guess what happened at this point. I put my plan into action. He casts explosion while I, and my magic reflecting self, go for Thinner's bag. I nab the key just as his explosion lands. Before he can even get the energy bolt off, I am aboard his ship and sailing for the safety of nearby Nu'jelm.
All is well that ends well, I suppose. Yet, there remains the mysterious matter of the fireworks. My thought is staff corruption. For three long years, staff has sat silently by while hard working bards legally acquire a variety of goods. No more it seems! A warning to all bards: Maahes is watching.
Happy third anniversary UOSA! To Derrick, Maahes, Nevermore, Braden, and all the other corrupt bastards revealing me during house loots: When you're not harassing poor and helpless bards, you do a wonderful and thankless thing. Thanks!
Addendum - Proof of Corruption
<chumbucket> was that you?!
<Maahes> it was. I'm terribly sorry, he paged and i forgot to turn off my macro
<chumbucket> lol
<chumbucket> Doesn't matter.
<chumbucket> I had already stolen everything of value
<chumbucket> including his ship i just recalled to!
<chumbucket> if that page is about why he died
<chumbucket> tell him because EVs kill people
