Tales of a bazooka, Part 12: Hazy & Co vs. Chickens
Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 10:49 am
If you are new to the Tales of a bazooka, I recommend that you check out our former tales through the table of contents here.
NOTE: it has come to my attention that the images aren't always loading correctly. This is probably due to the poor free webhost that I am using. However, if you just press "refresh" a few times, I think it fixes it. If you are still having issues, let me know.
In our continuing mission to protect Britannia (by wiping out all human beings from it), we are constantly optimizing our methods to be as efficient and devastating as possible. We have come up with what we believe to be the ultimate weapon against human-kind. It looks like this:
Yes, affectionately referred to as the chicken bomb, this weapon has proved the destruction of many a poor unsuspecting victim. How does it work? Well, it's simply a matter of harnessing the pent up rage inherent in all chickens due to humankind's constant exploitation of its race. Why did the chicken cross the road? Yes, that's right: to get to the other side... so that it can blow up the KFC. While the fish steak market has chicken meat beat by a long shot in Britannia, the chickens still have this inborn thirst for vengeance against humans and are still easily guided to perform this noble task.
Here are a few of the results of some of our earlier field tests. If you look carefully, you can see the perpetrator somewhere in the pile of dead bodies:
In any case, while many have fallen victim to the chicken bomb, one of the most memorable occasions involves a fellow by the name of Hazy. The bazookas have a long history with Hazy (starting with this chicken bombing)... He probably thinks we stalk him, but really it's just a matter of good luck that we happen to bump into him when we are in the process of chicken bombing or other shenanigans. I can't say that we are indiscriminate about who we target (no, Lord British made us too sentient for us to lack a bias), and I also can't say that we don't greatly enjoy blowing him up as frequently as the opportunity presents himself. I'll give him credit, though, for being a good sport. At other times, however, he rages (as you will see). Either way, we enjoy the results.
The first chicken bombing of Hazy & friends in our memory banks occurred in Vesper.
Surprisingly, Hazy survived this entire assault, although the bazookas detected a shared consciousness between him and another character who was destroyed. It was a repeat bombing, each time resulting in a devastating blow to Hazy and/or friends. You'd think that he would decide to take his business elsewhere, but perhaps he suffered from the all-too-familiar-Lord-mister-cherry-brains-been-blown-up-a-few-too-many-times-syndrome, and so we kept the bombs coming.
Hazy confessed that he was impressed by the power of the chicken bomb, and a decent conversation ensued.
BONUS FEATURE: The other side of Hazy
Hazy and friend were spotted again at Vesper by a bazooka and his machine gun brethren. It was decided that since we had the resources readily available at the time, that the optimal solution to destroying him would be to use an in-town machine gun turret to take him down... so we did.
Hazy's friend wasted no time in ebolting the poor machine guns... in town.
... And we were sure to show him that you should never underestimate a bazooka with a machine gun turret. After one machine gun acknowledged the fact that he was going to die in his sleep (a wish that Hazy expressed), the machine guns sprung into their natural sleep-walking action. Hazy was quick enough to call guards... but not quick enough to survive.
Next time, I'll post a couple more surgical strike chicken bombs used to take down Hazy & Co... some that can only be classified as "legendary". Until then...
NOTE: it has come to my attention that the images aren't always loading correctly. This is probably due to the poor free webhost that I am using. However, if you just press "refresh" a few times, I think it fixes it. If you are still having issues, let me know.
In our continuing mission to protect Britannia (by wiping out all human beings from it), we are constantly optimizing our methods to be as efficient and devastating as possible. We have come up with what we believe to be the ultimate weapon against human-kind. It looks like this:
Yes, affectionately referred to as the chicken bomb, this weapon has proved the destruction of many a poor unsuspecting victim. How does it work? Well, it's simply a matter of harnessing the pent up rage inherent in all chickens due to humankind's constant exploitation of its race. Why did the chicken cross the road? Yes, that's right: to get to the other side... so that it can blow up the KFC. While the fish steak market has chicken meat beat by a long shot in Britannia, the chickens still have this inborn thirst for vengeance against humans and are still easily guided to perform this noble task.
Here are a few of the results of some of our earlier field tests. If you look carefully, you can see the perpetrator somewhere in the pile of dead bodies:
In any case, while many have fallen victim to the chicken bomb, one of the most memorable occasions involves a fellow by the name of Hazy. The bazookas have a long history with Hazy (starting with this chicken bombing)... He probably thinks we stalk him, but really it's just a matter of good luck that we happen to bump into him when we are in the process of chicken bombing or other shenanigans. I can't say that we are indiscriminate about who we target (no, Lord British made us too sentient for us to lack a bias), and I also can't say that we don't greatly enjoy blowing him up as frequently as the opportunity presents himself. I'll give him credit, though, for being a good sport. At other times, however, he rages (as you will see). Either way, we enjoy the results.
The first chicken bombing of Hazy & friends in our memory banks occurred in Vesper.
Surprisingly, Hazy survived this entire assault, although the bazookas detected a shared consciousness between him and another character who was destroyed. It was a repeat bombing, each time resulting in a devastating blow to Hazy and/or friends. You'd think that he would decide to take his business elsewhere, but perhaps he suffered from the all-too-familiar-Lord-mister-cherry-brains-been-blown-up-a-few-too-many-times-syndrome, and so we kept the bombs coming.
Hazy confessed that he was impressed by the power of the chicken bomb, and a decent conversation ensued.
BONUS FEATURE: The other side of Hazy
Hazy and friend were spotted again at Vesper by a bazooka and his machine gun brethren. It was decided that since we had the resources readily available at the time, that the optimal solution to destroying him would be to use an in-town machine gun turret to take him down... so we did.
Hazy's friend wasted no time in ebolting the poor machine guns... in town.
... And we were sure to show him that you should never underestimate a bazooka with a machine gun turret. After one machine gun acknowledged the fact that he was going to die in his sleep (a wish that Hazy expressed), the machine guns sprung into their natural sleep-walking action. Hazy was quick enough to call guards... but not quick enough to survive.
Next time, I'll post a couple more surgical strike chicken bombs used to take down Hazy & Co... some that can only be classified as "legendary". Until then...
