Life Lessons I've learned from Ultima Online.

[nightshark]

Even if you have devoted your life to becoming a great swordsman, it takes at least 2 hits to the head with a massive halberd to kill someone, no matter how hard you try. One hit will not suffice, nor even cause a concussion.

Hunting is not a difficult sport. Merely stand in a combat stance and focus on attacking the nearby eagle/deer/sparrow. It will walk toward you unless it is already very badly injured.

If an animal - namely a horse - becomes tired of its current master, it is free for anyone to retame. Poaching horses from people is not illegal as long as it's ok with the horse.

If you focus really hard, you can make a cow tip over from 10 metres away, no problem. No magic involved.

[Rick Scarf]

I learned one cannot stand on the roof of a Chase bank and request to view their safe deposit box.

[Zelek Uther]

If you see some black sandals, they are either worth hundreds of thousands, or millions, depending on their durability.

How to tell: put them on, and get a friend to strike you with a mace for 3 hours. If the sandals don't break, congratulations - you're a multi-millionaire!

If the macing process breaks all your bones and smashes you to a pulp, don't worry! Just put a band-aid on it and you will be just fine...

[Wonko the Sane]

Did you happen to stumble across a horrifying murder scene in the street? Don't worry, it will rot away to nothing in just a few minutes, no need to call the police.

Anything you see at a murder scene can be yours as long as the victim has been dead for seven minutes.

You were robbed at knifepoint? Better call the cops within the 15 second statute of limitations.

Being king is easy. You just sit in your throne from sun up to sun down, never stopping to eat, sleep or defecate, all the while assigning scavenger hunts to your loyal subjects.

Once you step outside the city limits, there is NO GOVERNMENT.

It is perfecly reasonable to eat a cake or a hunk of meat that you found on the ground without even bothering to ascertain its origin.

You have a backpack. You can NEVER be without it. Not ever.

Public transportation (ie a moongate), was not thought to be useful enough to put inside city limits.

If you die wearing old clothes that you always had then your body will be found naked. Better buy your clothes from a shop or someone you know to avoid this embarrassing situation.

At a shop but find yourself short on cash??? Just open the store's cash box and help yourself. That'll help you make that purchase.

[Atraxi]

You never need to change your underwear. In fact, it's impossible. Your undergarments are a permanent part of your body from the time you are born.

[Wonko the Sane]

Insects do not exist.

You can chop your tree down and have it too. But don't like that tree in your yard??? It will produce wood indefinitely and you can never chop it down. Tough!

Also, you can whittle forever and it stays the same size.

At least you never have to rake leaves, they stay in place forever.

[rs1n]

One of the most dangerous chests can be found in inns. Storing a whopping 14 gold and a white shirt, it is booby trapped to kill even the strongest of men in full armor upon opening within arm's reach.

[Wonko the Sane]

Low on cash? Shear sheep! If it's in a pen, you can shear 20 sheep in about a minute for a whopping 1480 pieces of gold, and who knows what that would be in dollars, yen or pounds.

This cannot be done with scissors but if you happen to have a katana or bardiche it can be done easily.

Worried that your sex life is lacking? Don't be, there's no such thing as a sex life. People and animals appear spontaneously. Besides, you can't sleep in a bed or even lie down, unless it's a dirt nap.

[Wonko the Sane]

Alligators really suck at magic.