UO Second Age

Hail citizens!,

This is my report on my patrol of August 12, 2011. It is going to comprise of 6 parts; and as always, will contain alot of Justice!

My day starts as I am still hungover from all the poison I was forced to drink the day before. Feeling a bit weary I still report for duty at BPD HQ in order to serve the good citizens of Britannia. Almost as soon as I reach West Britain Bank ILuvTitties gets curious as to what I am carrying. My anti snooping kit goes off and he is promptly poisoned for being too nosey....
It does not take long before the poison takes it's toll and he is turned into a corpse.
Not very long after my patrol starts Barney Fife shows up and his help is very much appreciated. Two cops are way better than one any day.
Swagman finds out very quickly that whenever criminal acts are commited it is not just the cops you have to worry about. Barney and a good citizen deal out some vigilante Justice...
Swagman turns into a ghost and it is the last we see of him. He gets the idea that bank thieving is a lost cause when the BPD is around. Especially when we show up with multiple officers.
Upon his departure his ghost starts to do alot of speaking. In the land of the living this form of language is not understood. I am pretty sure he was not happy with his spirit's depature from his earthly vessel it was contained in though.
For whatever reason, Cassius decides it is a good idea to do criminal acts while BPD is on duty. He has crossed the line with attempting to steal from the public as they do their banking. Me and Barney take him out with proper police procedure.
The evidence of the body will be sent to the coroner's office for sure.
After the Justice is served on Cassius, all is well at the bank. The good citizens of Britannia can bank in peace. Barney has a good handle on things and is very vigilant when it comes to criminals. Knowing this I inform Barney I will be going to patrol other areas to make sure their are no illegal activities going on.

I check on Jhelom and Skarabrae and all is quiet there. I decide to go back to Britain to check on other areas there as well. I went to East Britain Bank and all of it's shops. No criminals there. The docks and West Brit mining areas are secure as well.

The stable macroers seem safe as I decide to check up on them and finally I decide to see my good friend and king, Lord British. He informs me that he is very pleased with the chief of BPD and that if we keep it up and continue to grow we shall be greatly rewarded by him. Part 2 continues my report....

Part 2 starts off with Dash showing up to the bank as perma grey. I give pursuit as he runs and tries multiple times to hide. These antics do nothing but delay the inevitable. Upon reaching East Brit he decides to stand his ground.

He pulls out his spear and puts up a good fight but makes the mistake of snooping me for something to steal.
My anti theft kit goes off and it greatly turns the tide in my favor. After he is poisoned he tries to run again....
Dash breathes his last breath shortly after that and all of his illegal weapons and contraband are siezed. They become property of Lord British and the BPD as evidence of his crimes and assault of an officer of the peace.
Upon my return to West Britain bank I see a very hilarious sight. Daisy Deadeye must be consumed with boredom and she blocks off the roof of the bank with ballot deeds and other various items.
A new citizen starts to ask people around the bank about other free programs he can use for macroing. I ask him why he needs another program and he replies that razor does not work. This accusation leaves me a little dumbfounded. As I gather my thoughts for my further investigation of his razor issues "Full of Win" tells him to use UOE.

UOE is an illegal program that people have been banned from these realms because of them using it. I make sure the new guy knows that razor is the only prgram deemed worthy in these realms that he can use.

Upon further investigation, it appears he does not know how to setup his macros properly. I help him with setting them up and he is very grateful for it.
Shortly after that a miscreant named Klog shows up. It appears he is perma grey and must be dealt with accordingly....
After Justice is dealt a citizen displays his displeasure with authority.....
I notice one of the bank patrons is acting a little nervous so I decide to investigate with my new hired help. it appears he has contraband on him and will not hand it over. I send my hired help over to make the arrest and he decides to make a run for it. A chase starts as he runs for his life.
Hadley tries very hard to get away on foot and outruns my hired hand with ease. I am mounted and the gap continues to close on this thug.....
It is not long before Hadley has a firsthand experience of what Britannia Justice tastes like....
The coroner's office is going to be very busy after today's patrol for sure.
Part 3 continues this report and is filled with many surprises.

Part 3 begins with me in pursuit of the thief known as Israel. He gets upset with Justice and tells me to go away. Little does he know, Justice is here to stay. It had appeared he stole a candle from a bank patron. I could not find it's owner so after logging it for evidence I place it in front of the bank. As for Israel, he has become just another statistic and his body will go with the others that are now in body bags at the coroner's office.
Finally, there is peace and order once again at West Britain Bank.
Soon some guy named Johnathon decides to break the peace and do acts that are deemed criminal by Lord British. I have an Oath to Lord Britsh, Chief Atraxi, and Justice. So, these criminal actions must be acted upon with vigilance and force.
Once I have Law and Order established once again at the bank I make my rounds through the city. This is when I find Gaspar doing many unmentionable things to freshly caught fish at the docks. These perversions are deemed inappropriate by Lord British's laws and he must be stopped at all costs!!!
Gaspar does not make if very far and soon succumbs to my heavy hand.
I continue my rounds and make my way back to the bank. Lo and behold! It is the fish criminal known as Gaspar again and he is trying to steal from the peaceful bank patrons. He must be stopped and taught a valueable lesson!
After Gaspar the white haired fish criminal dies someone known as Jerk II is criminal.
Jerk II is served Justice not far from Gaspar's white haired corpse that still smells of fish.
As I make my way towards the door of the bank I notice a new bank patron that is a thief. He is perma grey so I call the Law Dogs on him. These are highly trained animals and they know no mercy!
Check out part 4 to find out what happens next!

Part 4 begins where we left off. The Law Dogs are upon Jeremiah and there is no way for him to escape them. Instead he stands his ground and is determined to fight against these ferocious beasts of Justice!
It is a long drawn out struggle for Jeremiah but his frail body just cannot take the punishment. Soon he gasps for air and he breathes his final breath. His spirit is released into the realm of the dead and Justice is once again victorious.
The Law Dogs helped bring Justice to Britannia and they are given treats and praised for their good deeds.
Later on a thief named Bro wants to see what I am carrying. He pays a dear price for his curiosity.... Curiosity killed the thief.
Soon I track down the outlaw Bonnie. Clyde is no where to be seen but I cannot worry about that. Jusice has to be served!!!!
Bonnie's criminal ways are soon put to an unsightly end since all Bonnie wanted to do was evade the Law.
Upon my return to the bank I spot a criminal known as "Wasn'tMe." Upon further inspection I find out it was him and call the Law Dogs on the criminal!
Wasn'tMe starts to run around in a panic and starts to assault these dogs of Law and Order. They attack with great fury and all he assaults do is strenghten their resolve.
Wasn'tMe ends up severly injuring the Law Dogs and out runs them on foot. Now animal abuse is amongst the many charges stacking up against this criminal individual. I decide to take matters in my own hands. Check out part 5 and see if WasntMe makes it out alive!!!

Part 5 will begin with "WasntMe" being served Justice for the deception and crimes that this criminal has plagued Britainnia with!
Soon after that I find out Bonnie has not learned her lesson. Instead of staying clean in town it appears this criminal would rather stay criminal! Here is to a second serving of Justice! Hurrah! Resistance is Futile and Bonnie is down for the count again!
Wasn'tMe decides to start stealing from bank patrons and finds out very quickly what vigalante Justice is!
Hopefully this time a lesson is learned about bank thieving.
Evidently Bonnie never learns anything and a third helping of Justice is served! This time with extra gravy.

Wasn'tMe never learns also. The criminal goes around thieving again and will not heed or comply with my commands. Accordingly to police procedure deadly force is appropriate for those who continue to disobey.
Bazooka had been going grey and fighting individuals in town most of the day and would always get away when the tables were turned. His assulat on this peacful bank patron right in front of this officer of the law shall not go unpunished!
To find out what the outcome of this and the conclusion of this report is, check out part 6.

Part 6 begins with Bazooka being smitten by the authority and all of his contraband and illegal weapons of war are deemed public property.
Evidently Bazooka must have lost some of his pride and returns and assaults an officer of the law (me) while I am in conversation trying to help out a new player. The tide quickly is in my favor and he flees for his life with me in hot pursuit. I actually lost considerable ground taking this pick I hope you citizens enjoy this evidence though.
Instead of dying he runs to higher ground. I was expecting taunts to come next but it seems this individual does not use verbal taunts as part of his antics.
Next a criminal named Skulk (this person uses another fencer and does the same thing at times also) walks up to West Britain Bank via the bridge as already grey.

As I go in hot pursuit this person's playstyle and tactics are exactly the same as another criminal fencer I ran into the other day.
Skulk chugs away as I have the upper hand the whole time. Skulk's master plan is to run whenever his posioned weapon fails to hit.
I lose good ground trying to take this pic but Skulk heads for the forests and as usual; is on the run.....
I head back to town knowing this person just wants to be annoying and is really not trying to fight.

My duties include protection of the innocents, and who knows what bad deeds may be going on when I am not there.

After I head back to the Bank Skulk walks up again with verbal taunts. What is this!? I give chase again and it seems that is all this person is into is playing tag so I break chase at the bridge; because childish games such as that are not my cup of tea. I have a duty to protect the innocents. Not play tag.
As I am about to turn in for the night a troublemaker named Broderick comes up and is very mouthy and very grey, along with two of his friends. I attack and when I have the upper hand and he is stuck like chuck and his two friends start to heal him with their magic as they are posted up on both sides.
Not having any back up and with him having two healers I decide it is futile and a waste of time. This individual spent almost 30min at the bank with verbal assaults and taunts.

If the miscreants of the land instill this much hatred for the BPD then it surely means we are doing something right!!!!


This concludes my report.

Border Patrol out *salutes*

Geeze Louise man....how many screen shots do you take?

*thumbs up* as long as BPD doesn't actually ask for "papers."